On God- when rhymes fail

There are no longer any of the good light hopeful parts of me that assured my soul of its salvation and unity with God
They have all passed away
Along with every sign of the God of my youth
Which all have gone in vain
What presence is with me but pain?
Theres Nothing here but heavy darkness
Will my eyes ever see hope again
Even if it be from a distance?
How can God say He’ll never leave
Yet His presence be so absent
His light no longer shining in the night
His voice less than the silence
And my heart so black and low as this?
Or perhaps He’s not here because He never was
That the fabricated joy of my youth’s pause was able to see signs and messages of God
In any old, inconsequential thing?
Did I imagine all of those feelings?
I didn’t use to believe much in chance
But now its all just that.
Everything that once looked as such potential for hope or a glorious series of events
Is now all plain, dark, human will and chance.
Just a leaf blowing about idly on the winds at the right,
or more likely the wrong, time.
All good things that I once saw as divine provision or providence from a loving, powerful, detail- oriented God… All of it fell through, fell away, and disintegrated before it could even come to fruition.
And it has continued to be so as the time has gone by, stealing every good thing away with it.
And who can retrieve Time or that which he takes?

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