Sitting In The Dark

If I were to sit down and try to pray
I can’t really think of anything to say
No mistake, my mind is fraught with a million problems and thoughts
But I try to forget them, deny, and move on
But with them they take the most of my cares
I’m left empty hearted, a tireless subconscious characterized by despair
I keep this all quiet for the most part
Cuz complaining never changes the pain in my heart
I’m sick of hearing it
And I’m sure God is too
We both know it’s not gonna change
But we both know it’s not gonna go away
I can go down my list
Of trying to praise and ask for forgiveness
Thank God for hope after death
Lift up for others their vital requests
What a foolish child was I
I thought that prayers could really change a tide
And I know I ought to pray for a better attitude
But I really don’t fucking care, in an angry mood
And I’d so much rather fall into my angry tunes deep
And keep screaming in my violent soul ’til I fall asleep
I don’t feel like there’s any light left in me, like as a Christian- there ought to be
I can’t bring myself to pray what’s right or say “not my will, but Your will be done,” today
It just doesn’t compute with me, doesn’t get much past my ears
The concept of trusting God and giving Him my fears
There’s nothing I really want to say
But if I’m a Christian, aren’t I supposed to pray?
I just end up crying by myself
With no pity from me, or anyone else
And surely not God!
For how carnal is this
Relief that I desire
Fore Death’s final kiss

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