Conflicting Accounts

I ask God, “teach me who You really are,”
But who is truly the one sending these potentially deluded people so far
As to claim to know the answers for sure?
Saying one thing, doing another-
Not even repentant for discouraging others

But then with a useless pat on the back,
Turning face and saying,
“It’ll be okay, regardless where you end up at.

The universe is out to crush you after all
But stop resisting- don’t fret
for God is in control of this all.”
But if it’s not really even my choice
Why should I be held accountable?

We can speak of what we feel,
But please stop pretending
To know what’s going to be and what’s real.
It’s far too convenient to speak idly
Of a situation not even involving me.
So why not spit out some rash hope and then be contradictory?

You tell me a father doesn’t give his child a snake-
But God is still up there,
Searching and seeking whom he can break!

Call me a heretic,
Or say that I ought to feel convicted-

But how can you wish me well,
Say God is more loving than yourself,
But working to bring a cleansing purgatory like hell?

How can it be both?

Please stop pretending to know.
I don’t want to know.
All your speculations do is cause to solidify and grow
The little I’ve deluded myself to even “know.”

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