January 30th Thoughts

I saw you on the other side of this wide river
I called to you to cross over and meet with me
I see you weeping
With pain in your hands
I’ve always felt your suffering
And I swear I understand
I’m calling out to say
That you will see the answers face to face
All of your fears will dissipate
Just wait for the day
And when you lie undone
Just stay and look up to the sun
When the remaining stars in your heart
have all fallen and gone dark
I will hold you in my arms
And remind you of who you are to me
When the waters run too deep
I will be your safety
come out on the waters and swim with me
You will cross over, wait and see
I’m calling out to say
That you will see the answers face to face
All of your fears will dissipate
I’ll wash away your tears
And take your pains- just wait
Wait for the day

***

It’s amazing to me just how vividly
one can visit the oldest memories
But at the same, a cursed thing
Iliciting a view of the past
A dangerous place for a gaze to rest
But when the songs which once elated my spirit so
And the sights and sounds which once resounded with the purity of hope
Now evoke a whisper and a stroke of misery
I know of which never again shall be
As when we were such young, innocent beings
Filled with light and loving wondering
Simply caught upon the breeze
blowing gently in-between
Your heart and mine
Beating in being seen
So lost yet completely free
Underneath that rainbow encircled sun
I’ve only ever seen but that once
As if maybe everything would be okay
And fairytales could be real within this place
But now we’re grown and like we were made to know
Surreal isn’t the way it actually goes
And I can only feel pure when I am submersed in the painful melodies that I hear
When fate draws me here.

Advertisements

Free Write

Despite that I try to let go of all desire
Inside it continues to grow as an insatiable fire
For what, to where, for who
Not knowing to where I ought to go
Wherever with whomever- still only feels like I’m alone
Searching
For the purpose of the hurts and lessons learned
Projecting upwards and outwards
To a place the soul is Felt. Seen. Heard.
An unidentified longing acknowledged without a single word
To Reopen. Rewire. Rebirth. Realigning my insides.
Fear, my reminder that I am alive
All this time
Spirit aching, inconsolable
Losing patience for something tangible.

Impulse Write 2

Draw nothing into the lungs
But this end, but this one
When the controls are dulled
And the times prove themselves to continually draw worn
As the broken blades
Of grass and steel surrounding in a chronic state
The candles are waning
As moonlight is fading
And the crimson red pays it’s promises
To the disappointment within  again
Persisting in its timeless innocence
Finally reconciling the death and breadth of the current state we’re in…

January 23rd Impulse Writing

I’m sorry that I made the mistake
of taking my time inquiring
Into you
I’m sorry I made the mistake of using the last human part of me
For you
A flame that was already
so surely extinguishing
I shouldn’t have built anything
But walked straight down into
The fate awaiting me
Amidst this screaming silence
Slipping off the edge of this  precipice
Falling in synchronicity with the leaves from the very tree which we’d been watching
It was my beginning, once my friend
And now it shall be my final end.
I’m sorry, but I’ve wasted
My last.

January 17th Free Write

I can’t move enough-
The words just won’t come.
What did I come here looking for
Where I can’t sing or breathe anymore
Is there any line dividing
Opening my mind and dying?
Or am I chrysalizing
Later to fly on the winds which  bind
My tongue, my heart, my eyes
By motioning through these make- believe times
By no investment and no consequence inside
I arise, satisfied-
A nameless, voiceless
Stranger
Bound to nothing within
But the wandering, aimless insatiable Winds.

January 12th Free Write

Would you think me crazy
Would you think less of me?
Who can I fairly tell
But a stranger, in vague detail?
What’s the best way to say
That I’m afraid-
Have I actually gone crazy?
Or am I just the only one who sees the world this way?
It’s happening with increasing frequency
They’re pressing in with increasing force
to show themselves through the mortal door
Trying to frighten me
Now It’s an everyday thing
Do you see?
Are you even listening?
The doctors would drug me away faster than my head is already spinning
I can’t sleep
It won’t leave me be
What do you want with ME?
I must be doing something terribly wrong or right
To attract so much unwanted company tonight!

***

I’m so accustomed to You calling my name through the noise
That I can still hear Your still small voice
Echoing in this dark, lost, unfamiliar void
Embracing patiently, waiting for me to come back again
You’re in every sound masked by the wind
Every faint, gentle whispering held inside
Reverberating through the corners of my mind
And for how quickly I am dying
On You I will set my eyes
From the very first to the last time
You are my heart’s one desire.

January 11th Free Write

Silly Boy- you think that you’re in love…
But It’s just your drug
A one you’ll never get enough of
And just like anything that goes on for long
You begin to wonder what’s going wrong
When the novelty wears off
When it doesn’t reflect what you hold within yourself
You’ll only know it’s love
When you’d walk through hell
When the synapse resists
And the high runs dry
But she still tries
Sometimes the years do fall into their place- Many can attest
Boy, she can hold and affirm you- feel your heart beat against your chest
Silence in the moment
Your hurt
But what do you really know about her?
Do you know her fears, her secrets
Her tears, her regrets?
You never knew, for you never asked
You never have, for you never had
She can’t save you
When all you damn need
Is someone to see you for once
Through the consuming empty
You’re grasping to fill
With the next hit
Poised to kill.