My Life is Stranger Than Fiction part 1

           So for a while now- for the sake of simplicity- I’ve simply referred to any random attack of constellatory symptoms as an “episode”. Well, much as waking up throughout the night with nonspecific doom is a regular occurrence- I was a tiny bit unsettled at the other night’s 3am waking. I was having a dream where I was writhing on a cold concrete floor, suffocating- with a strange spinning sensation all the way down my gut. I’m often aware of the fact that I’m asleep and yell for someone to wake me up, but eventually I started to wake on my own to find myself clawing at my headboard, still having some difficulty breathing. Now I’ve frequently experienced incidences of respiratory suppression- but this time I felt my heart beating inordinately erratically; numbness and tingling in my extremities, dizziness, and chest pain. I couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen even after getting up and walking around for a while.

        Eventually I ignored the vague uneasiness and got back to sleep, but woke up with my entire body covered in red dots and all of my skin was a strange hue with a peculiar pattern of leopard spots or something. I concluded it wasn’t chickenpox but continued to break out in random hives all day (again). 

That was it. 

It was time to try something different yet again, which probably meant another doctor- of which filled me with dread after the countless awful experiences I’ve had with many of them. 

      I remembered the energy healing type practitioner an acquaintance had made mention of. Concluding that it sounded more like unexplainable voodoo shit than another DSMD, I decided it was a great idea, made an appointment for that afternoon, and immediately headed out there.       

          Pulling up, I was briefly puzzled to see the tiniest little shabby, white, single-room looking building, sandwiched and nearly hidden between a construction site and brick wall. There were absolutely no identifying markings or signs, save for the number out at the curb. 
“I don’t know, looks more like a drug front,” I laughed. 
Oh well, either way- win/win.

            Inside, it was an empty waiting room with a very markedly clean energy; white walls, a few black leather coaches, a mostly empty desk and the largest quartz crystal I’d ever seen, lying across a coffee table. It took a little bit for a thin, blonde lady to come in and notice I was in the waiting room. I assumed that the practitioner was going to be some little old lady along the lines of the usual. Pretty soon, in walks one of the most beautiful human beings I’d ever seen.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,”
I muttered under my breath.

            He was probably about 30 years old, 6ft, medium length black hair, blue eyes, porcelain skin, the remarkably muscular build of a cleaned-up lumberjack, and a familiar voice that was instantly hospitable. I say this with surprise because I’m essentially NEVER phased by the physical appearance of a human being, rarely even noticing at all. I wondered if it wasn’t a front for something else; But I mean he looked like he had just stepped out of the screen of some cliche masculine- biased action film; and I don’t even like those.

          Anyway, the office was very warmly furnished with all dark cabinetry and seating, a big round mirror, and a large bronze Buddha in the corner; wearing two gold and silver amulets which immediately caught my eye. I don’t know why I kept looking back at them over the course of the next few hours. He was wearing one as well. Perhaps I’m really some kind of Crow and- as I suspected- don’t belong with people in this world. 

“Thank you for taking a chance and coming. Even though this all may sound kind of crazy, try to keep your mind open,” he prompted. 

“You have no idea the crazy shit I’ve seen,” I thought to myself.

“Crazy is normal to me-” 
is all I could manage to say; given my Instantaneous, stuttering misplacement of 30 IQ points and the discovery that he would be incredibly talkative over the course of the next few hours. 

       He didn’t want to know anything at all about why I was there-handing me two metal electrodes to hold in each hand-and insisting that in a short bit, he would tell me everything himself. So for the next couple hours I mostly sat there listening intently to him very animatedly discuss the various- though now proven- “conspiracy”
Theories of government, education, media, healthcare; food, water, air pollution and monopolization; population control, and the ultimate facilitators of nearly all of it through control of the worldwide banking system and federal reserve; how essentially everything we’re taught is a calculated lie- All that good stuff. 

He was preaching to the choir. 
However, I know most people don’t want to hear my shit, so I mostly keep it to myself. 
…to be continued


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