Most Often I’m Numb to Consequences~4

I scoured the corners of my mind for what else she had said. Much to my surprise, concertedly thinking about it brought back much more than I had expected to remember. One thing that never changed despite all I remember seeing- I’ve always been a skeptic until proven otherwise, and rightfully so.

Yet somehow throughout the ages I had often ended up in the company of various kinds of mages- whether they were called witches, mediums, psychics, or what the twenty-first century’s New Age “awakening” eventually deemed an Intuitive- they had always told me the same thing, of which I never paid much mind to for all that it mattered to me at the time. More than a few of said Intuitives had told me that I had another past life of which I did not consciously remember.
The past life part was obviously of no surprise to me, and neither was the not remembering some blurred details or periods of time.

Some things got lost in the transference altogether, while other events had always remained crystal clear in recollection throughout all of it. The missing parts I recognize by the vague, inexplicably knowing feeling I would often get about people or things. Not recalling an entire life however, was of some surprise.

These people had each only briefly glossed over the details of its relevance, recounting something about being a “Warrior” who had spent most of my life alone, wielding nothing but a spear for battle and defense. Wandering for nothing, looking for and fighting for something I could never be sure of- much less remember. I had never thought about it again since. It sounded like some fantastical bullshit. I had to stop and laugh at myself, because then again I suppose they must have thought the same thing of my much larger claims- resulting in my being thrown in the Looney bin, again.

Yet if it were so- It must have been too long a time ago to remember, considering that time had always progressed in its normal order, before now. This time around sure didn’t look like anything along the lines of being any warrior- quite far from it in my ripped cargos, equivocally ragged black tee, and somber disposition. Was it supposed to be some kind of patronizing, symbolic jab?
It then crossed my mind that perhaps I had actually gone forward- but pondering that quickly brought me to question that any amount of time or magic could refill the train tunnel that had been bored through the mountain.

I realized that I was sure wasting my time musing about something of little relevance to the fact that I now had no idea how far from food or shelter I found myself. The violent winds had blown a chill right through my thoughts-and my bones.

I had been accustomed to being cold and hungry- nearly numb to it- but not to its eventual effects. It had already been nearly a day since I’d had anything to eat when I decided to just head to my favorite place, where I knew I could clear my head for a while. Nothing quite like jumping in front of a train to clear your head. I briefly felt a twinge of guilt, hoping that it had only been a cargo train.  I’d always been on the lean side, so it never took long for me to start to feel the ache of my body eating itself- and it had already begun to scream and threaten with tension and pain in every muscle. I guess all the time I’d already spent starving up in the mountains would finally pay off as being customary. The fog in my head however was much thicker than that shrouding my vision- and much harder to work with.

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