29


Even still, I couldn’t help but always wonder to what extent each person’s story would go on, if –or when– they had lost all faith in it, or even entirely ceased participation in their own life.

I quickly thereafter found myself again back in the circular hut with the still nameless old man.

I immediately broke the silence, “I have to say that of these three times, none of those seem like what I want- or even think I would want or need.”

“well… I may or may not have mixed them up…” he grinned.

I was suddenly unreasonably irritated and impatient to leave and retreat back to my usual solitude. I was unsure of what the purpose of any of this was from the very beginning, and starting to really not care if there were any reason for the visions or other oddities.                                               Just like I had long since chalked everything up to: sheer meaningless, useless coincidence never culminating in anything more than an additional lesson in why one ought to not harbor any vain hope.  But that was just me, apparently-and to my absolute wonderment- many others felt differently, for whatever reasons had so deluded them. Or perhaps I was wrong- but it really never made any difference.

My mind was flooded and reeling again, as it often does with no justifiable trigger. I never needed a reason for a sudden crisis however- it always filled me with an irrationally insatiable rage just trying to not think about everything that had happened- or not happened- throughout my multiple, fleeting lifetimes. So much time, so much trying, for fucking nothing.

Every. goddamn. time.

I knew I needed to leave right then, or risk treating this hospitable man undeservedly cruel. I stood abruptly and pushed back the chair with more force than intended, which fell backwards to the floor with a crack. I whispered a likely unintelligible apology under my breath, grabbed the bag from the red table, and headed for the curtain door.
“Thank you, but I’ll be leaving now,” I stated with again a much harsher tone than intended. But it didn’t matter, everyone was just a stranger anyways, and I needed it that way.
He said nothing as I threw aside the tapestry and stepped outside into the night glow.

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