The Losing Faith

How did you expect I would reply?
Did you think I’d happily, docilely comply? 

What did you expect me to do

When you already perfectly knew?
Because you know me completely
How my skin crawls at night

The one and only who sees me

all of the time

In between those dead days and black nights now

Do you hold it against me 

But tell me it’ll work out?
You know it will never- I will never change, 

But you still hunt me to look inside my frame

Sifting my one deepest fault through

That I always tried to hide from you

Because being human was no excuse
What did you expect me to do?

For even my very tongue is split in two

I couldn’t achieve 

being quite so masochistic

Thanks but what is forgiveness

If it’ll never fix it?

What is “good” anyway

But just another terror that is evaded?
All this rumor of air

Doesn’t fill my lungs

All this talk of care

Doesn’t kill my hunger
There’s no settling this and you know it as well as I 

I don’t trust you, it’s no secret

But against you, I can’t fight

You win every time- 

a thousand to one

It was a day of silence when you said I was done

And now there’s nothing you permit me but to think upon what I’ve become
You always break me open slow

bone by single bone

You broke me down again

Because I was human
You sent all the warnings

That it was time to lament the end

You sent me doves for mourning

But what good is it to me 

When morning again ascends?
For even the cruelest bird of prey 

Eventually returns to its mate

But seasons don’t change

For a solitary heart in chains 

Not in innocence, but pain

You know my ways alone

Cursed and carved in stone
So just have your way

As if there were anything else that I could say

But if you expect me to be able to go along

Hopeful and holding onto a happy song

I’m so very sorry that I’ll do it all wrong

And feel like the most tired, hungry, unruly of the dogs

Because that’s all that I feel I am now 

After so long.

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