How did you expect I would reply?
Did you think I’d happily, docilely comply?
What did you expect me to do
When you already perfectly knew?
Because you know me completely
How my skin crawls at night
The one and only who sees me
all of the time
In between those dead days and black nights now
Do you hold it against me
But tell me it’ll work out?
You know it will never- I will never change,
But you still hunt me to look inside my frame
Sifting my one deepest fault through
That I always tried to hide from you
Because being human was no excuse
What did you expect me to do?
For even my very tongue is split in two
I couldn’t achieve
being quite so masochistic
Thanks but what is forgiveness
If it’ll never fix it?
What is “good” anyway
But just another terror that is evaded?
All this rumor of air
Doesn’t fill my lungs
All this talk of care
Doesn’t kill my hunger
There’s no settling this and you know it as well as I
I don’t trust you, it’s no secret
But against you, I can’t fight
You win every time-
a thousand to one
It was a day of silence when you said I was done
And now there’s nothing you permit me but to think upon what I’ve become
You always break me open slow
bone by single bone
You broke me down again
Because I was human
You sent all the warnings
That it was time to lament the end
You sent me doves for mourning
But what good is it to me
When morning again ascends?
For even the cruelest bird of prey
Eventually returns to its mate
But seasons don’t change
For a solitary heart in chains
Not in innocence, but pain
You know my ways alone
Cursed and carved in stone
So just have your way
As if there were anything else that I could say
But if you expect me to be able to go along
Hopeful and holding onto a happy song
I’m so very sorry that I’ll do it all wrong
And feel like the most tired, hungry, unruly of the dogs
Because that’s all that I feel I am now
After so long.