31- The Lesser Darkness, Free write


I suddenly felt tears threatening at my eyes, for no one particular reason that I could specify. Perhaps I was simply over tired, feeling lost in general, or finally tired of being alone throughout the lifetimes. Like the old man-who never did make mention of his name-there had always been someone around who had managed to take a liking to me; even if I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why, or would rather that they leave me to myself. These seemingly characteristic individuals never ceased to come about by any extraordinary means, nor failed to carry a sign or convey a message far too undeniably engineered by a force outside their unbeknowst selves. 

Despite seemingly divine intervention and words that ought to be encouraging to my weary heart through the grey decades- I never had seen one of these unnamed prophets’ words come to pass. Yet how a stranger could tell me such other things about myself, I could never reasonably conclude as to how they acquired such knowledge. I could neither ignore the old man’s words, written and unwritten. The various company never lessened the perpetual ache of an intimate loss of which I could not remember, only suffer. Everyone always passes right through, which veritably makes the years feel all the more irreparably lonely. If the frequent loss, tearing, and rebirth of relational beings was supposed to bring love and fulfillment to each step of the useless journey- I could never conclude how it managed to make me feel even more alone. There was perhaps one who once had been some part of me- only a shaded and shifting feeling- but no others could I ever manage to feign life for. I thought of the girl in that vast, empty field; how she stared right through me with such familiar but haunting Iris. I could already barely even bring to mind the color of her hair glinting in the dim light. Was it black or red? I wanted to see it again, because just for that moment- I felt the tiniest little bit less alone. 

“If you’ve the impossible to do, you’d best be going!”                                        I heard the man again call from behind.

I had been lost again , swimming in my mind’s eyes. I was snapped back to the rain tapping on my face and I turned about to look back at the man, mindlessly falling off of the tree stump I only then recalled. I just barely caught myself to keep from face planting down into the still rising torrents about me. Looking up, I saw nothing. There was nothing before me but the same thick trees stretching beyond and a brooding, weeping sky. There was no clearing, no circle of cut trees, and definitely no camp or people at All. I trudged forward through the waters, now almost at my knees. Looking around for any higher ground, I saw only more of the same in every direction. 
I had always possessed a keen sense of direction, without any guiding Polaris. I decided to go west, but didn’t know how to ensure I wasn’t slowly circling. Everything looked the goddamn same.

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