5.19

We all have that 

Someone somewhere something

We always seem to be chasing around

Even if only in our heads

It’s so hard to forget about

Where you felt you belonged

Where you thought you were wanted

Or had found something you did

I’m wasting my moments

Stuck in the past

Paying and replaying

What never lasts

All I want in this life is to just be still and know

That there is a way, that there is still hope
I once thought I knew what was right or meant to be

That I had a place to feel, be free; at least taste happy

But it’s all so deceptive

a matter of perspective

How do they manage

To feign care for what’s subjective

How does one keep at playing the game

When it’s fruitless, fucking useless, and all decaying

You were right- it’s like chasing a ghost

Who can never be but a memory

And I it’s longing host
Everytime I think I may have found an answer

Anything to try and cure this kind of cancer

It’s cost is too high in consequence 

And I’m left with another thorn in the end

When all I wanted

To feel something new, to change my hand

But I’ve gone and fucked up again, and bad

And ended up losing 

Everything I thought I had

But by the time I open my eyes

I’ve destroyed my life

And dismantled my chances
I’m not trying to be arrogant

But don’t think they understand

Or that anyone really can

Anyone but themself

I don’t think you really know me that well

But I can’t find the words to explain

When in this hurt there’s nothing I can say 

Because the problem has just become too old

And all that I’ve done- was all mechanical. 

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