6.28 Free Write

Do you ignore my tireless cry

Or do you simply choose to stand on by

I know I’ll be fine

if okay is just not dying

But I wanted more

I needed more

I sacrificed everything I held in my hands

With Nothing left to lean upon to Rest ever again 

Wandering a dry desert place 

Hopeless in knowing this

To have every thing is still made as nothing

And all that nothingness is everything there is left

Or ever was

When everything has been done

And nothing remains to try

But to recant and relive of the same weary striving 

Do you ignore my many tears

Why do you bother dragging me through all these rendered useless years

Couldn’t you have chosen another

Of greater subservience and honor

There’s too long a road still ahead

Of empty, tortuous, nothingness 

It’s too much pain to stay awake

I’m sleeping my life away

But I’ll be back again for the thousandth time at dawn

To ask you the very the same question

Why bother, why hope

When this is all I have come to know

Are you trying to break me down

Expose the truth I always push down

Hide it from everyone

One word and I’m broken wide open

Why do the signs all say the same things

You of all know of my chains

Do you mean to taunt me

For what I’ll never have, feel, be?

This same melody has resonated

Haunted me for the decades

Lying in the dark

To listen and pour out my heart

Was it all constructed like this

For reason, with a purpose?

Because I’m just bitter and wish I could take it all back

Every dream, every breath, every step

It’s screamed at me since it began as night 

That the answer for me lies in plain sight

Right in front of me

But I’m too blind to see

too weak to reach

I don’t want those things anymore

I don’t want anything at all

It’s too late for you to try now to answer my prayers

I can’t feel anything 

Does it matter if you care

The thousand times you’ve tracked me down

Sought to bring me home from underground

There’s no point now

I can’t do both

I can’t let it go

Because it’s one with my skin

There’s no getting out 

And no getting in

I didn’t want to be like this

But at a certain point it was allowed

A fatal disease to riddle me throughout

Killing me slowly, burning from the inside out

No these signs don’t change Anything 

They just make me so very sorry

For what can they mean

When You know I can’t do these things

Help me understand

I don’t think I can

Why do you remind me

For what can light have to do with misery?

You bring it back to a person who’s lost

I thought we’d all forgotten

She’s gone

And so is her hope and soul

I think You meant the message for someone nearer to being whole

Not me-

who else you could be speaking to

I don’t know

When I’ve lived and grown up alone

Send the angel with a miracle

Or end a breath that’s miserable

For You should know

That I could never do both.

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