p.21

       Sleep in the ER was just as difficult to find as it had been at Alhambra, but I managed to fall asleep for a half hour or so a couple times, during which I had all kinds of dreams from the very moment I feel asleep until the lights or noise woke me. To me this was exceptionally interesting, considering other than very recently, I had never been one to have dreams- or technically, to remember any of them. But since the few days before and specifically after the episode a couple nights back, it was like some some switch had gone off in my brain- turning some things on, and others off. The dreaming seemed so life-like and consistent over the past couple nights that I had to really think about what had actually come to pass or been said, and what had not.

     In one dream I was walking down a long, unearthly white, empty hallway, with only one single door halfway down that was closed. I walked to the door, taking note of the particular energy of the place- very familiar- but I didn’t remember ever being here before. It was a dark wooden door that was covered in countless scraps of paper with quotations and various things written on them, some pictures, and one big quote right in the middle of the door, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” I reached to find that the door was locked, and then was surprised by a woman who had somehow managed to walk up behind me without my noticing. She was an attractive Persian woman of mid forties, with long black hair, and abnormally large brown eyes. We spoke casually for a few minutes; again she felt somehow oddly familiar, though I had never met this woman. I asked her a few questions, to which she answered very succinctly- but when I awoke I had difficulty recollecting much of anything that had been said.

     In another, I was back in my hometown, at Dr.’s Coffee shop, evidently meeting up with someone from online. Walking up to the shop, I saw the same familiar three small, circular metal tables;  There was a man sitting by himself with a plain cup of coffee in front of him, at the rickety table with the one short leg, where I always sat. I guessed that perhaps it was a couple decades younger version of Jack; Jack and Dorris were an elderly couple in their early seventies- they had been together for over 50 years- and had sat outside the shop together with coffee and hot chocolate every single afternoon I’d ever gone there (which was frequently), ever since I was a kid. But where was Dorris? What did it mean? Had she died? I stood waiting a bit off in the distance until I saw the guy arrive. He too was dressed in all black with long ebony hair pulled back in a ponytail. Glancing at the young Jack-like man as I walked by to meet the young man, he turned from his coffee, very clearly looked me square in the eyes, and I heard a voice in my head say that I ought not to go- that I should just turn around and leave. 

     I ignored the thought and went to meet the young man. He clearly didn’t believe in chivalry as we went inside, but that had never been of much consequence to me. We didn’t get coffee or anything, but wandered  upstairs, where I followed him down a dimly lit hallway. Of course the thought crossed my mind that it didn’t seem a terribly great idea, but I was curious nonetheless and barely wary of consequences these days. We went down one hallway to another, turning corners right and left in a dizzying order I could not recollect. The doors and turns continued to multiply, as the light grew darker, until it had all but completely left- and I realized that this was a maze; he had intentionally led me here, and was now completely gone. I was there in the pitch blackness again, surrounded by walls on all sides that seemed to be moving in closer and closer together. I knew that I did not know the way out.  I then awoke to the observation room.

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