5.13

Everything’s more fucked up than it seems

Words never near enough to explain anything

The devil has me in hand again

Have you ever seen God in it

Everything’s more empty than it looks

Everyone so distant and can’t say what I should

Have you ever been to hell, this week

From the back of your skull where it carries

Have you ever been so thirsty but cannot take a drop

Have you ever seen 

Tell me, where did you find God 

With eyes sewn shut

Have you ever for long stood so still

You see the dark man at the window sill

You held my hand once

But I can’t keep my balance

Have you ever slept with hell

So dark in the corners of this cell

Felt your heart slip from your chest 

bones separate from the sinew and flesh

Have you ever had the ground’s deep waters

But run for days only to find rotten cisterns

Standing in a circle clear

where no one knows that I’m here

With skin so thin

That It always seems to gets back in

I can’t see, you can’t understand it

And we wander

Have you ever seen God here

I would meet Him anywhere

Have you ever been to hell, this week

I’m standing in this circle clearing

There’s a devil and a scream that I keep hearing

This is all I’ve got

Tell me, have you seen God?

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Black Bliss/Reiterated Rewrite

 

Who would think in this final waiting place              
To have the care to spurn such a sweetly destructive embrace?

While ever standing in-between       The extinguished hope and faded dream
Contemplating amidst the flame and ashes
Of what I was supposed to be

And in this place, of what consequence
Is anything at all
There’s no air, no breath, no circumstance
That may efface the lost and fallen

Though perchance the capacity to enjoy happiness
May be measured by the times endured
Of the Devil’s kiss

Though come to to dance round again and tempt with this
Inescapably intoxicating              Permeating, Black Bliss

Slowly turning heart and vein stagnant and so old
By only listening intently
to the mournful dirge of soul       In so thick a darkness
That it is felt on skin
By the hand of sorrow
The spirit caving in

And who would think in this final waiting place                     To have the care to spurn such a sweetly destructive embrace?

Yet for naught.                      But the meaningless, burning flesh  An incomprehensible sickness
Engraved within the wounds set fresh

Having descended                   to become darkness’
very closest friend
By the most ill compensation
I pray that this will be my end

And he’s promising fire, speaking of desire
Held on by so thin a string
Light has long since been expired
My former enemies intimately beckonig

Death and his cleverly suggestive companions
Continually beseech
I give myself into their hands
And that into to keep

And in this place, I care not for resisting.

Today’s Thoughts- Negative But Honest

midnight_of_july_by_nanfe-d6dr5pd

There aren’t any words in language to convey
What it is that I want to say
Because in a most depraved, terrible way
I wish someone else could suffer feeling the same

Never as a child could I ever have thought
That in a million years, I’d be to where I’ve got
More than just alone-
Like God has even disowned

Therapy doesn’t work
And the pills are even worse
Food doesn’t bring any strength
And drugs stopped working anyway

No company seems to alleviate
In fact, it may even aggravate
I could touch them right now
But can’t feel them anyhow

Can’t even feel the blade on my skin
There’s not enough alcohol to bring back a sting
There’s not enough blood
To express anything

As I’m lying on the ground
From society- miles out
The winds are whipping around
As the demons are howling
I came looking for You-
You were nowhere to be found

I wandered out here seeking
Any kind of comforting
But not even the most broken hearted of cries
Evokes from You any kind of reply

I have no place in society
Yet Death does not take me
Nor does Lucifer have any need
And You as well, must have stopped listening.