6.8 free write

I don’t know what to do

I feel that theres no future

So I’ll tell it all to you

Cuz I’ve got nothing left to lose 

Anymore
Hidden and kept secret

In the light of day

You can see it in my face 

But I can only show you pain

Anymore
I’ve got a tension

Like nothing you’ve ever seen

I don’t want attention

But I’m tearing at the seams
I don’t know what to do

Its too bright and too loud to hear you

I feel I’ve lost my mind tonight

hungry and unsatisfied

All I want is dead and gone

Won’t you please take me far away from

This world
An optimistically deadly mix

Of too many pills and cigarettes

If it helps or kills

I tend to forget

Cuz my names

Gotten so far away

I can remember

Nothing but the pain

Anymore
Lying in the street tonight

Counting all the dying lights

And the mistakes they eat me alive

Day and night, I can’t fight 

anymore
I don’t know what to do

Its too dark too silent to hear you

I feel I’ve lost my mind tonight

hungry and unsatisfied

All I want is dead and gone

Won’t you please take me far away from

This world?

5.30

Something isn’t right

I can’t sleep tonight

It’s crawling through my mind

Taking every good thing 

That I can’t find
Run from everyone

In chasing after a captive sun

But when it’s been gone for so long

Is there really any reason 

Or way to dream of being okay
I want to give; I want to set you free

But can’t even live with so little left of me
Is the feeling of silence ever unbearable to you

A loneliness that grows with age 

But you’re supposed to be able to break through

I can’t say why anyone stays

But to try and medicate 

What never goes away 

Do you want to be 

somewhere else

But who can save us from ourselves?
Where has the peace gone

Do you have some

That you could share with me

Or I can make believe

Where have the hours gone

Do you need to waste some

But the question seems to be 

Who can even reach me

What’s it’s gonna be

That’ll finally set you free

Do you want to be

Something else

But who can save us from ourselves?
So write a brand new chapter 

In the past

And for the next time after

hope that it lasts
As all these needles in my skin

Seem an inalleviable affliction

A solitary strand of red I stand

Never to be held again
I want to give; I want to set you free

But can’t even live with so little left of me

Only For a Day

I came of age in a hall

No doors or windows, only walls

I drove them all away

So not even ghosts come out to play
Pain is an ever present lover

Never in the end with any other

The clock on the wall

With every second 

threatens to end it all
the Emptiness screams so loud

How can you get in or out

But don’t worry

I’m already gone
Can someone save me 

Even for a moment

Something to remember 

For the next time I’m insane
I just need to know

That there is a place to hope

Somewhere I can carry to rest my weary bones

The temple is nowhere

Nowhere that I know

Will you hide me away

Even if it’s only 

For a day
the Emptiness screams so loud

How can I get in or out

But don’t worry

I’ve already gone insane
Can someone save me 

Even for a moment

Something to remind me

For the last time I am lost.

Too Much Time


Every day is the same

There’s nothing I can say

I hate to complain

But nothing fortunate feels the same

When my fractured insides died

And there’s nothing left but the time

Waiting for someone to burn the ashes remaining away
So be careful what you wish for 

When there’s not much left

Depending on the answer

It’s so easy to suggest

Where is the death

That a fool prayed to leave behind

Now all that’s left is

Too much time
I’ve had an attitude that’s bad enough  I know

But really I’m just all used up and alone

Can we start again

I didn’t mean the things I said

You never can get used to it

Waiting for anyone to use the ending
So be careful what you wish for 

When there’s not much left

Once you’ve caught the cancer

It’s so easy to suggest

Where is the death

That you tried to leave behind

Now all that’s left

Is too much time.
How did we get here

Making nothing that’s left clear

How did I end up this way

With no truth that I can bring myself to say

Who will ever know

Who will ever see 

The hardest pill to swallow

-The real story?
So be careful what you wish for

When there’s nothing left

Once you’ve caught the cancer

It’s so easy to suggest

Where is the death

That we prayed to leave behind

Now all that’s left of you and I

Is too much time. 

October 31st


Knocking at the door again

Bitter reminders

 I try not to let in

But the lights they flicker and they spark

By the charge of my heart

In overflow

Right where no one knows

And when I fall there

And no longer care

Tell me

Do you still hear my tears?

And if I call you there

Will you still answer my prayer

Even amidst this violent overflow

Of all I’ve come to know

That I am?

The words just won’t right

My shaking voice tonight

The lights are out again

Blown the power in my head

Writhing and restless

Aching defenseless

Flesh and bone to ground

As the pressure still mounts

You say create

And I will the pain away

You say initiate

I will any fucking change

In its place

But overflows to rage

Screams don’t resonate the right way

But it’s all that comes when I try to say

What it’s like

I wanna know why

I still even try 

show me why, what is it like?

But I’m so damned to focus 

When my heart only knows this

Everything seems fake

Just a different form of give for take

I don’t wanna stick around

Cuz I’ve been around here

Long enough to see

The same old fucking go around

Think I’d know by now

I’m just a little chess piece

A pawn that longs to jump off the board

Try hard as I may to ignore it

I can’t escape the flames

When I feel they know my name

Is it written in stone

As my fate for what I’ve done?

Please redeem

By pardoning

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

Let it be the ending

For a heart hardly worth defending!