5.13

Everything’s more fucked up than it seems

Words never near enough to explain anything

The devil has me in hand again

Have you ever seen God in it

Everything’s more empty than it looks

Everyone so distant and can’t say what I should

Have you ever been to hell, this week

From the back of your skull where it carries

Have you ever been so thirsty but cannot take a drop

Have you ever seen 

Tell me, where did you find God 

With eyes sewn shut

Have you ever for long stood so still

You see the dark man at the window sill

You held my hand once

But I can’t keep my balance

Have you ever slept with hell

So dark in the corners of this cell

Felt your heart slip from your chest 

bones separate from the sinew and flesh

Have you ever had the ground’s deep waters

But run for days only to find rotten cisterns

Standing in a circle clear

where no one knows that I’m here

With skin so thin

That It always seems to gets back in

I can’t see, you can’t understand it

And we wander

Have you ever seen God here

I would meet Him anywhere

Have you ever been to hell, this week

I’m standing in this circle clearing

There’s a devil and a scream that I keep hearing

This is all I’ve got

Tell me, have you seen God?

3.8 Free Write

You say that you’ve gone

But I know that you’re not

Sometimes I can tell

Because luckily you don’t hide it very well

honestly I do prefer the latter

Though I’m not sure if that even matters
Tell me what you want

I hope you would know

That I haven’t forgotten

I think you well know

we both still check in 

Often just to say hello
Are you wary to let anyone in

In any way?

It’s a decision that we all have to make

So I do understand because my mind functions the same way

Though I’m not so confident what it is you would have me say

But It’s not my place
I’m just waiting

It’s your choice to make
I still wonder and care

Even sometimes too still there

It was said once

That you can’t always run 

from everyone

And I would Know well 

Because I do that myself
Sometimes I’m arrogant enough to believe

That I know some of what you’re thinking

And perhaps that’s exactly why

I’ll go as far as to say

That I need you in one or another way

Whether it’s reality or idealization

I’m not sure which is more relevant anymore
I’m probably not what you think I am either
Maybe I’m crazy

Or perhaps I’m not

I’m always open to quite any option

But what I’m trying to convey

Is that I have not forgotten. 

I think you already know

burnt out and used up

It doesn’t mean or feel the way it did once

But then again 

nothing does
Always hungry for something more

never aware of what I’m looking for

It could always be worse 

doesn’t equate being worth it
 I often have the thought

That Maybe… 

Never mind

I don’t want to say
How does one cultivate an appetite

For all the same old mundane

The status quo that one must maintain

I’m always hungry for something else

But never know for what it’s about
The things they say that satisfy

Look to me to be so tame and dry

I never was great with the prayer of Serenity

When settling for just okay feels like the enemy
But I think of all the years wasted

Trying to get to that okay

How can I feel differently

About Something today
I think you know

I think you’ve seen

I think that so many people feel

The same as me

I know how the stories go

But we don’t live in a world so forgiveable

There’s nothing left unsaid so

I think you already know
I think you already know

We’ll always feel alone

I think I already know

I’ll always be alone
I always have the oppressive thought

That maybe

Never mind

I don’t want to say
I think you already know

I think you’ve already seen

I think that so many people feel

The same as me

I know how the story was supposed to go

But we live in a world much more cold

There’s Nothing left unsaid so

I think you already Know.